Lavi and Kanda, Kanda and Lavi
by the-fish92
Summary: BUNCH OF ONE-SHOTS - TENTH SHOT: "How can you say that?" the figure speaks. The split lip opens again, and starts bleeding. The colonel, heading for the door, turns around with a face that could be mistaken as surprised.
1. What Else Is There?

**Here's the meme: Listen to a random song, the radio, or put your iPod on shuffle. Write whatever the song inspires you to.**

**First song: Royksopp – What Else Is There**

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Lavi was walking quietly through the city. It was night, the signs were blinking, the lamps were lit, flashing white, red, green... Cars were driving, people were talking, life was running, and it was October, so the air was chilling.

Lavi's boots hit the concrete with hushed thud. _Bump, __bump, __bump. _He tried to walk the same beat as the song on his mp3-player. Tried to concentrate on the rhythm and melody, because if he focused enough, maybe he could close out the noise of the city night that surrounded him.

_So __many __cars, _he thought. _So __much __pollution. _He wrinkled his nose. The humans were destroying the very planet they lived and depended on. Don't get him wrong, Lavi loved the humans. After all, what'd he do if there were no humans?

His attention was drawn to a discotheque he was walking by. The doors were open, spilling loud music, cigarette smoke and drunken kids out on the cold sidewalk. All the beautiful young people, dancing, sprawling arms and legs and jewellery everywhere. The uncontrolled laughter and smoke dispersing into thin air. So much pollution.

_How __can __something __so __beautiful __be __so __evil?_ Lavi mused.

But it wasn't like he could change anything anyway, so he kept trotting the concrete, _bump, __bump, __bump_, heading for his unknown destination.

:x:

The sun was slowly rising. So slow, it almost looked like it was too tired to get up to another day.

Lavi was still walking. His feet were sore, his fingers freezing. He stopped at the top of a bridge, pausing his steps, turning off his mp3.

Almost no people were seen, and except for the occasional sound of a bird chirping or a car speeding off into the distance, there was complete silence. A lazy wind blew his hair out of his face, and Lavi turned towards the sun.

And then it hit him. He almost gasped. Almost.

The view of the city was astounding. Half the sun was now hovering over the town's buildings. The sky as high and cloudless, the air so chilly and clear it painted the skyscrapers blue. The sun blessed the streets with sunrays and hard edged shadows. Everything was so calm. So in balance. It was like time stood still, and the concrete jungle was sleeping.

Lavi stood there for several minutes, taking in the morning city.

_How can something so evil be so beautiful?_

He didn't look for an answer. It wasn't supposed to be answered. And there was nothing he could do about it, he could just observe.

Oh yes, he enjoyed observing humans. He loved this clueless world. After all, what else is there?

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**Author's Rant:**

**I think im gonna do 1 of these song drabbles each day. It's been a reeeeeeeeally long time since i wrote. Like, years. But i want to start again. Critique always appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: Characters are from D. Gray-Man which is copyright Hoshino Katsura**

**November 18, 2009**


	2. Red

**SECOND SONG: Listening to the radio. 2 sek, gonna wait for the R&B to pass... There: Daniel Merriweather – Red**

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_Ding! _82... 82... the green, digital numbers on the screen blinking 82...

Silence, there was silence. A man in a corner coughed, the secretary behind the desk scribbled something on a piece of paper. Her lipstick was red. Way too red. She looked up, _no number 82?, _and pressed the button once more. _Ding! _83... 83... A fat man with a red peaked cap stood up, and headed for her.

It's too red, Lavi mumled inaudibly. It annoyed him. Why couldn't the dude just wear a orange cap? Or blue. Blue was nice too. But not red, dammit.

A shrill sound emitted from somewhere close behind him. He was almost startled. Almost. He glanced over his left shoulder with his only good eye. A teenage girl held her ringing mobile in her hand, and sent the many gazes pointed at her an apologetic smile.

"Hey Christine!" she fanned herself girlishly. Lavi could hear the sound from the other side of line, _hey Alex, what's up, I've been..._

He turned front again. The eerie silence was now only broken by the girls nasal whispering, the man coughing in the corner, and the hushed voices of red cap guy and red lipstick secretary. They sure took their time.

:x:

_Tick tock, tick tock. _The clock on the far wall annoyed him, because its hands were red. The loose strands of his red hair that fell down in front of his eyes were driving him crazy. With angry, tense movements he drew his bandanna from his pocket. He bound it around his hair to conceal it.

_Ding. _84... 84...

Just 8 more to go. Lavi looked at his scrap of paper. Not because he couldn't remember his number, no, Lavi was excellent at remebering. But all this waiting made him aggrivated and nervous. And most of all, it made him recall what had happened just one hour ago, and exactly why he was here, and why he was waiting. _So much blood. _And it was so red. Not the nice, lively kind of red. The gory kind of red. He had tried to stop the other man's bleeding, but it had seemed there was no end to all the gore. It just kept flowing.

And then the ambulance had arrived.

And now Lavi was sitting here in the waiting room.

Remembering. Waiting for news about his friend.

"Red doesn't suit Yuu-chan at all," Lavi grumpled, almost pouted. Yuu looked nice in blue. And purple and black. And tourquise, if Lavi could make him wear it.

Lavi impatiently looked at the clock again. He shouldn't have. _All the red. _He grit his teeth. He alone was to blame for what had happened, after all. And Lavi couldn't help but fear that he had destroyed what he had just, after a lot of effort, gained. His newfound friendship with Kanda. All the new sides he got to see of the grumpy, reserved man. Their comradeship.

It was Lavi's fault.

He'd taken something perfect and painted it in red.

**

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**Authors Ramble:**

**Short one shot is short. And red. Man, not having spelling- and grammarcontrol on my com sure sucks. Tell me if ya spot mistakes, thanks. And FUCKCHRIST i just can't make bold texst work. Uploading this took me nine tries. NINE, i tell ya...**

**Critique is always appreciated.**

**Lavi, Kanda and D. Gray-man is owned by Hoshino Katsura.**

**November 19, 2009**

**EDIT!! i found out about the bold text and HTML... yay for science**


	3. 11 am

**THIRD SONG: Incubus – 11 am**

**Warning: cigarettes.**

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07.00 am

Lavi looked at his digital clock and groaned. He streched. He blinked a few times. But he did not get out of bed.

07.01 am

"I shoul' weally get upp."

Slurred mumbling. Still no movement. Still no will to move his quite comfortably placed body.

Dire times like these needed dire measures, he decided. He took his time to think. After a moment he spoke to himself, his voice as stern as he could possibly make it this early in the morning.

"Lavi! If you havn't hauled your ass into the kitchen for breakfast in FIVE minutes, you can't have any smokes today."

And after he had thought it over for a while, he decided the cigarettes were the best option, by far. So he streched again, rose, and plodded to the bathroom mumbling: "make that ten..."

:x:

Monday. First day of the week. He should be saying "HELLOOOOO NEW DAAAAY!!", but he was simply too pooped. The toast tasted like crap, the electric kettle didn't work – as usual – so no coffee for Lavi. He was using all his force on keeping his eyes open. By the time he was done with breakfast, it was 07.20.

Lavi decided to screw school for once. It wasn't like he had problems with any subjects either. He was quite smart, in fact. And since he started college, he found that he really missed his old pals from high school. English class just wasn't the same when the Beansprout wasn't there with his stupid, funny accent. Geography bored him, because Lenalee wasn't throwing small paper notes at him, telling him that the teacher looked like an idiot with his hitler moustache. And science sucked when there was no Johnny to blow up stuff.

Lavi missed Daisya's running with a football through the corridors. He'd always broken some window, and principle Link was always in his his heels, yelling about running in the halls being prohibited. And he missed the laughter when clumsy Miranda - unintentionally but effectively - hurled the ball into teacher Mari's face in PE.

Most of all he missed math. Not that he enjoyed calculation in partiqular, mind you. No, what made math so funny, and worth looking forward to every Monday, Thursday, and Friday, was the guy that he always ended up working together with. The one man in the world that could drive a car, but not sqare a decimal number for his life.

Yuu Kanda.

Lavi actually laughed out just recalling the guy's grumpy face. Man, if there was something he missed, it was Yuu failing miserably, and then trying to regain his honor by yelling at the teacher. Lavi had learned many creative profanities in math class.

Yeah, if there was someone Lavi missed, it was Kanda...

And then Lavi spent the next few hours sitting in his windowsill, enjoying a cigarette, a crappy toast, and memories of high school.

:x:

11.00 am.

_Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep..._

_Dear god, would SOMEONE take away the bloody beeping?_ Lavi jerked his head up from it's slumber-position on his shoulder, which resulted in a loud snap from his neck.

"Fuck life," he grumbled, and looked over at the kitchen desk, from where the sound was emerging. His mobile was beeping with such vigour it almost fell of the table. "Huh... An sms? Somebody actually wants to _contact_ me on this gods forsaken day?" The beeping stopped, and Lavi sat still. Who could it be? He was actually too tired to be social right now.

He wanted to not care, and just be able to ignore it, but what if it was something important? Nah, second thought, it was probably just one of his new class mates wondering why he wasn't in school. He should ignore it. He should. But what if... it was Yuu?

And then Lavi nodded, as if Kanda the Social sending someone an sms was the most ordinary.

"Of course Yuu-chan couldn't live without me for more than three weeks," Lavi said, totally reasonibly, not in denial in any way. So he went and took his phone, trying not to get his hopes too high.

Which was why he almost shrieked and fell on his butt when he saw the ID.

And Lavi felt something akin to nervous angst mixed with excited joy. Relaxing? No. Interesting? Yes. Lavi opened the message.

"rabbit"

... How cute.

Lavi walked back to the window. He opened it, sticked his head out and yelled:

"HEEELLOOOOO NEEW DAAAAAY!!!"

The mailman looked at him with terrified eyes. And Lavi wrote back.

"Yuu-chan!" just to poke his anger.

And Lavi was slightly surprised when the reply came only 13 seconds and a half millisecond later. Since when was Yuu so fast at texting?

"_stop calling me that."_

In your face, grumpy. But Lavi was flatterede that the Kanda had taken his precious time to tell him that he was a rabbit. Truly flattered. Lavi also knew that Yuu was damn prideful (see: stubborn), and the straight-hair-cut-man would have a hard time doing the talking – well writing actually – to keep the conversation going. So Lavi, the saint, blessed him with the answer:

"No way in hell, Yuu-chan"

And after that followed a very professional and academic communication.

"fucktard"

"*sob* :'("

"_stop the smileys. I dont get them"_

"clever as always"

"_stupid rodent. Why am spending time on this"_

"quick, Yuu-chan. You wrote to me 3 min ago"

"_dont infect me with your idiocy"_

"hey now, dont hold me responsible for that. So where are you?"

Such a thing as an invitation had to be _pryed _out of Yuu. He'd never ask willingly.

"_wal-mart"_

The supermarket? "thats not far from here. Whaddya buying?"

And after a while.

"_cornflakes and salt. And theres a creepy woman"_

Lavi had half a mind to feel slightly unnerved that a mere mortal could make Kanda nervous. "creepy how?" he wrote back.

"_creepy stalking me"_

And Lavi wrote the only noble thing he could think of: "should i come save u?"

And when a whole minute had passed with no barking retort, Lavi began fearing that maybe creepy stalker woman had gotten a hold of Yuu-chan. But then his phone beeped once again.

"_shit were do thes guys keep ther fucking cornflakess"_

Right next to the check-out desk, Kanda. Like, right next to it. Lavi ran to his bedroom, fetched his wallet and converse, and was out the door in less than 30 seconds.

"im on my way, cuz i need sum smokes. Wait up."

"_bring a fucking flamethrower. I think the woman wants to eat me."_

Lavi almost skipped. "see u in 10"

And then he almost ran. Make that five.

**

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**Authors Rant:**

**And thus, Knight Lavi went to Wal-Mart to save Princess Social.**

**So, i wus like training yesterday, right? Right. And i hit my head a lot. Like, **_**a lot**_** a lot. Aaaand, somehow i think it's caused brain damage. Mayor fail. Thought i'd let u know.**

**Anywho, somethin joyful for once, hm? And the longest one yet. Critique always appreciated.**

**D. Gray-man (C) Hoshino Katsura. But ya prolly knew already.**

**November 20, 2009**


	4. Too Close to Stab

**FOURTH SONG: Dizzy Mizz Lizzy - Too Close to Stab**

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Music. The bass so loud my chest vibrates with every beat. The air dense and thick with smoke, voices, and sweat from the dancing people. I move through the crowd, trying to be really nimble about it, but it's sorta' difficult when the alcohol is pushing the floor up into my face. I'm striding for the bar, trying to shuffle around groups of people chatting and laughing really loudly. I keep my eye on my ultimate goal, pretty much too wasted to concentrate on anything else, which is why I totally do not notice Kanda stumble in from the side. Not until he whacks me over the head, anyway.

"Grrrr..." He sounds annoyed. But doesn't he always? I yelp from the pain on my head and shoot him an accusing look.

"Sheez, Yuu, I was jus' gonna get anoth' beer, s'all, man," I am not impressed with my own articulation. Just how drunk am I actually? I'm not really sure...

"Fuck you, tard. You said you'd be going home by twelve. You have a flight to catch tomorrow morning, did you forget already?!"

Oh, that's right. I'm gonna leave for London tomorrow. Have to be up at 7 am, too. Wait, what's the clock, now? I can't spot any clocks. Oh, what the heck. I can always leave at a later date.

"And no you can't leave at a later date. If you put it off, you'll miss that damn congress. Or whatever the fuck it was."

Stupid Yuu, reading my thoughts. Or maybe it had just showed on my face. I get angry at myself for letting my guard down, letting Kanda know that I just want to procrastinate.

"Shut up. Tis' not like I wanna leave!"

And immediately my eyes go wide. Oh shit. Number one symptome of tipsyness: spluttering words before you think them. Embarrassingly honest words. And Kanda's eyes are wide, too.

And we both know, that those words are the ones that I've been wanting to say these past five weeks. Ever since the old panda decided we should move, so we can study history in England. There is this big congress on Saturday that we can't miss. About pyramids...

But the words "I don't want to leave," has been a tabu. I'm not supposed to let it show. We have always moved around a lot, Bookman and I. He tutored me himself, taught me everything I know. My entire future - and past for the matter of fact - lies with that old man. Knowledge and history is, like, the base of his existence. And it has become mine, too.

Kanda knows that.

But ever since the panda and I moved here two years ago, suddenly i got really attached to the people who live here. Maybe it's because i went to school, for once? I have no idea. "Attachment" hasn't been a problem before. And now i find it hard to leave this place.

And Kanda knows that too.

And he is fucking furious.

Kanda is a man of his words. He acts like a dick, but he's actually very loyal and strong hearted. Nothing can waver his belief in the path he is walking. He never regrets anything. And maybe he knows, that if I leave Bookman now, I'll always regret it. I decided to follow him, and take his place when he passes away. And Yuu, the stubborn asshole, wants to make sure I stay strong and keep my promises. It's his own way of showing that... he cares. Somewhere deep down. I guess. Pherhaps. Sort of. Kinda'.. Or maybe he's just eager to get rid of me, what do I know.

Kanda lets my statement slide, but he seems really mad. Suddenly I feel so exhausted. I let him drag me out of the house, into the cool night air. I sober somewhat up, but still feel dizzy. I lean heavily on Kanda, trying not to stagger, wondering how I got this juiced when I had only been at the party for, like... uhm...

"Dude, what time issit?" I murmer, still annoyed that I seemingly can't speak properly.

"2.30," is the court reply.

That late? Whoa, I'd stayed longer than planned. I sigh deeply.

The air is cooling against my face. The streets in this neighbourhoodare silent, and only half of the lamp posts are lit. My ears are ringing from the loud music. I feel lightheaded, and in a moment of complete, and utter true enlightment (or drunkenness), I get an incredible urge to just give up everything. Take the first the best bus to Mexico and start a salad bar. Or something. I giggle into Yuu's shoulder at the thought.

"What?" he still sounds angry.

"Nah, s'nothin," I say, because I can't possibly tell him how weak I really am. Why would I? No matter how much he denies it, we have had a sort of friendship since that fateful day, two years ago. My first day in school, when I had called him Yuu-Chan, and he had almost chopped my head off. Ah, those were the days. Ever since, all the time we've spent together, whenever I'd feel down, I'd hide it. I am a master actor, after all. Lately, though, I get the feeling he sees right through my masquerade. Like he did just before, at the bar. And it unnerves me. But somehow it's also nice. Pherhaps. A little. Maybe. In the odd relieving kind of way.

We reach the busstop. Line 14 will be here in fifteen minutes. And as the drunk and honest bastard I am, I start babbeling.

"M' sorry Yuu. I made ya mad, right? I didn't mean it, ya'no. And sorry I totally missed the time. Didn't wanna make you have to drag me home like this, and I'm really sor..."

"Shut the fuck up." Bold as ever.

"Huh?" God, I am _so_ stoned.

"I said: _Shut the fuck up. _You're drunk. I don't want to listen to your blabbering. You weren't even gonna say goodbye, were you?"

And it took me six seconds and two baffled blinks to go over that sentence in my head.

"Awwwwwwwww, Yuu-chan!! You're gonna miss meeeee?" and I tease him, because know I can easily get him all flared up. He yells back, _don't call me that!_, and behind the mocking and flying insults, I can hide my guilt.

Because I wasn't going to say goodbye. I would just have left.

And Kanda knows. And that makes it hurt.

I lean on Yuu again, and use my silly _don't worry the awesome Lavi is here-_voice

"I'm totally gonna send you guys postcards, y'know!"

Yuu seems to have given up, and his anger lowers a tad. His voice is no longer really mad, just generally pissed, like it is by default. I'm a lost cause, it seems. And he will never know how much I wanted him to just say, _yeah, idiot, I'll miss you._

"Get off me, rabbit, or I _will _stab you with something sharp and lethal"

"Which is funny, Yuu, 'cus you can't possibly stab me when you're standing so close"

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**Authors Rant:**

**~You cannot stab me, baby, when you're standing so clooose, yeah~~ It's rock'n'roll, FTW**

**I started writing this at, like... 11.35 pm. Apparantly, that was a little too late to make anythin' decent. Thus - if you spot any - the time, spelling and grammar mistakes. Also, why do I feel like this drabble has little to none resemblance with the song?? And why is angst so much easier to write than humour?**

**Qritique (as well as mindless babble) reviews always appreciated.**

**D. Gray-man (C) Hoshino Katsura**

**November 21. 2009**

**Edit nov23: REVISED!! Tried to sort out the mistakes here and there**


	5. Around the World

**Okay, I'm not gonna do angst this time, so how does a happy song sound? (which is kinda hard cus theres only depressing songs on my iPod.. lol, i say)**

**FIFTH SONG: Daft Punk - Around the World**

**Warning: attempt at humour**

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"Yuu-chaaaaaaaaaan! Where'd you go?"

"Stop calling me that, fucktard!" was the retort of the guy jumping out from behind a corner.

"Hahaha, Yuu, you really suck hard at hide and seek," Lavi snorted. Really, this was way too easy. He kept walking.

"Ah! Look, it's a box of mitarashi dango!" he then yelled.

"WHERE!?" Allen jumped from under a table, looking ready to kill for food. _And that's two down,_ Lavi smirked. The beausprout groaned in disbelief, arguing that Lavi was a cheater, and Kanda didn't look too satisfied either.

"It's not like you can talk, "shark boy A." You are _evil_ when you play poker, you know. Evil, you hear me?" and the beansprout had to shut up. "Well, that leaves Lenalee..."

Lavi looked through the closets, under the tables, and behind the doors. He tried to think of something smart to make the girl reveal herself. Harder than first thought. Because unlike the two idiots behind him, Lenalee was _smart._

"Oh hell! Komui is dating Ms. Lulubell!"

Silence... _hm, this is going to get extremely difficult, _Lavi thought. Kanda and Allen were arguing in the background.

"Look, she's giving him a lap dance!"

Still no reaction whatsoever. (Well that's not true. Allen choked.) Lavi had to admit that he might just actually have to find her _without _cheating. Crap.

"Missus Lee~! While the guys and I go to the cinema, could you make dinner?"

And immediately something black and green and Lenalee-sized flew from behind a curtain, so fast it was only a blur to the three boys' eyes. Before Lavi could even think:_ run for your life, _he recieved a painful whack on the head from a certain furious girl. Even Kanda winced.

"Say, dear Lavi, was that a sexist comment?" Lenalee's eyes were gleaming, and her stone cold face radiated killer intent. She held her fist raised over the poor boy, and he sweatdropped in fear, but still managed to stutter:

"F-f-f-found ya.."

And it took the girl a short moment to realise that she had totally taken the bait. She moaned in exasperation and flailed her hands in the air.

"So not fair, Laviiii!" she argued, with the backup from Allen. Kanda just glared.

"Stop yer bitchin', girls, because the awesome Lavi has won the game. It took me five minutes. Thought it'd be longer, with this many hiding spots in your house, Lenalee." He couldn't help but gloat. And all the way down to the kitchen the two complained, leaving Lavi to gloat even more, and Kanda to glare.

In the kitchen stood a plate with muffins. Lenalee and Lavi had two, and Allen ate four since the japanese man didn't want his share.

Because Yuu Kanda doesn't _do _muffins.

They began to discuss what to do, since summer vacation had just started, and there were a lot of things to spend time with. Allen wanted to go to concerts, Lenalee wanted them to start a band, Kanda didn't want to do anything, it seemed, and Lavi wanted to do _everything_. Well actually, whatever they did was of little importance. As long as they could all do it together. Lavi would feel like a sentimental idiot if he said it like that, though, so that's not quite how he voiced it, when Kanda refused to join them to the Summer Rock Festival.

"Dude, Kanda, you HAVE to join us to the Festival. Otherwise, we will all bug you about how lame you are for the next four years," Lavi tried to sound like he meant the threat. Because there was just no way in hell it would be fun without Yuu-chan.

"I'd rather go to Siberia." And Kanda's voice was stern. The guy just couldn't take crowds, could he?

And then an enlightment seemed to hit Lenalee in the head. Hard. "Oh my god, yeah, let's!"

And the collective _Huh? _couldn't have been more synchronous.

"Oh stop looking dumb! What I mean is, let's travel the world!"

Luckily Lavi was the fastest to answer, "GENIOUS, LENALADY!" And the rest could do nothing but agree, because Lee's charisma and persuasion ability is just awesome.

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**AND THEY TOTALLY TRAVELED THE FUCKIN WOORLD!**

**Authors Rant:**

**Über c****rapped end, i'no. ****Aimed for 2,000 words this time. But failed.**

**Why do I always start writing this late at night, I get no sleep, man! And **_**plot**_** is killing my brain. I cant't come up with a story for the life of me. Thesaurus dot com is my new best buddy. I have no clue what "summer rock festival" is, i just wrote it. I'd actually like starting to write some more of the D. Gray's girls. Like Anita or Mahoja. Or Miranda, she's really cool. Qritique (as well as mindless babble) reviews always appreciated. **

**D. Gray-man (C) Hoshino Katsura**

**November 22 - 2009**


	6. Cold Desert

**SIXTH SONG: Kings of Leon - Cold Desert**

**Warning: Gay stuff... pass this chapter if ya don't like, thank you**

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"No, Yuu! Wait, I didn't mean to... I...!"

Kanda had, in a fit of rage, stood abruptly up from his lunch, and was dashing for the doors leading out of the canteen and to the corridors. Lavi had risen too, but he was standing stone still, not daring to move, knowing that the eyes of the surrounding students were on him.

Damn Yuu for being so sensitive about Lavi being near him, lately. And DAMN the guy for looking so awfully cute when he ate noodles... Could he really blame Lavi for telling him? But somehow, Yuu didn't seem to react very well to the word "cute". Or to Lavi in general it seemed, as of late.

After a while, Lavi decided to go after him. He exuced himself to Lenalee and Allen, who both looked very perplexed, and took Yuu's and his half-empty trays, dumped them at the wagon in the corner, and ran after his friend.

:x:

As Lavi ran through the corridors and halls, he got more and more worried. Why was Kanda being such a jerk? Had Lavi done something wrong? Was it because he braided his hair when he fell asleep in history class last week? Because if it was, Lavi had totally said sorry already. That didn't mean he regretted it, though. Kanda looked really handsome with braided hair. Well, more handsome than he did already, anyway. But that probably wasn't it, since Kanda had been acting like this for more than just a week.

Lavi slowed down for a second_. It couldn't possibly be since... oh no_, he stopped dead in his tracks, halfway from physics lab to the toilets.

"Urghhhhh," Lavi groaned in frustration, rubbing his hands in his hair. There had been that party at Lee's approximately one month ago. He had been pretty drunk. And Kanda had only been a little drunk. And Lavi had said some... uh, revealing... things. About how he viewed Kanda. And yeah, judging by the way Kanda had completely denied to talk about it the day after, Lavi must have been pretty explicit. God, he'd had a crush on the japanese man for, like, forever. But said man REALLY wasn't supposed to find out, because, well, if he couldn't even take Lavi leaning in a bit and saying "Yuu, ya look really cute when ya eat, y'know, " then HOW was he going to take Lavi's heavy load of feelings? Bookman Jr considered himself as a usually pretty carefree guy, but if there was one thing he truly worried about, it was Kanda finding out. If he did, he'd be disgusted. He would reject him, no doubt. And what if their friends found out Lavi was gay? The private school his gramps had sent him to was very christian, and most of his friends here were believers. And it really didn't seem the bible was too keen on homosexuality. Not only that, but it was important to his guardian - gramps Bookman - that Lavi didn't bond too much, since they'd be moving right after his graduation. As gramps voiced it: "friends and alchohol will take away your concentration, so spare me the teenage rampage." He had also said: "and don't you even dare getting started on drugs! I will disinherit you if I as much as smell marihuana," but that's not relevant at all...

Point is, it was just very important that Lavi didn't disclose himself.

Lavi had long since accepted that those feelings - the stuttering heartbeat, the silly selfconciousness, the unreasonible but strong joy that turned up everytime Yuu was around - could never be returned, he'd just have to sit and wait for them to disappear. It was sad at first, but he had come to terms with it, as long as he and Yuu could be friends. Sure, he had acted silly and tactless - intimate, even - but he had always been careful to put it all behind a mask, make it a part of his personality. He made sure his friends understood that _that was just the way he was_. And even though Kanda had often been (extremely) annoyed with him, he had never seemed truly bothered. Not until one month ago, anyway. And now all he had could be taken away from him.

Lavi felt the fear creep through his veins. Starting from his spine, running like freezing water down his back all the way to his fingertips and toes.

"I have to make this good again"

Lavi took up his pace again. _Kanda can't find out, Kanda mustn't find out._

He began mumbling inaudibly to himself, "I have to make this up. I have to tell him I was just joking. I'll say something funny and apoligize. I'll tell him how sexy Lenalee looks in her miniskirt. I have to tell him that... I have to make him understand that-"

"Make who understand what?" Lavi almost stumbled into someone when turning around the corner.

"YIKES!" He jumped back in surprise, his heart flew into his throat, and it must have been stuck there, because he suddenly found it excruciatingly hard to speak and breathe.

Kanda stared up at him, and clearly thought he was a complete idiot, judging by the look of utter annoyance gracing his beautiful face. And Lavi was so baffled he couldn't even blink, much less say anything. Somewhere in his mind he felt relieved that Kanda was his normal self again (see: angry, but not so much that he'd like to kill you). That, and maybe also a little sadness. But that aside.

"Yuu-chan, I'm sorry pal, I was just joking! Gee, with the way you ran you had me and the guys think you were choking on your soba or something. If you're gonna stay this rude forever, you'll never get a sexy girlfriend, you know!" Lavi tried to laugh, and even though it came out a little strangled, he figured it would do.

Kanda seemed put off for some reason, and also a bit... sour? Dissapointed? He took in an irritated a breath and repeated

"I _said:_ make who understand what?"

Lavi lowered his arms from where he had flailed them in the air. His shoulders sank a little, and his fake smile dropped. For a moment he just looked at somewhere behind Kanda, pretending that he was thinking, but not really thinking at all. He must have looked defeated somehow. Kanda got the smallest of worried creases on his forehead, but Lavi was looking at anything but him.

"Well," his voice was feigned frivolous, and he never finished what he started to say. He just stood there.

And since Kanda is Kanda, we can all count on him to burst out: _oh what-__**ever**__, it's not like I care. We'll go back to the others._ So that's what he did, and he all but dragged Lavi after him the first 20 meters, since the redhead was pretty much stunned into another silence.

:x:

After a good two minutes of walking, Kanda finally said something. He really hated to break a perfectly comfortable silence, but Lavi's slumped shoulders called for it.

"You're being weird." Oh well, he could have said something more heartening, but this is Yuu Kanda we're talking about. Give him a little credit.

"I know," and Lavi smiled, but it was bitter.

"Why?" Might as well take the long and redemptioning problem-talk when they were at it. Better sooner than later, he said to himself. Because he was in complete self denial about not being curious.

"Because... you're being weird too."

Yuu got a sour look on his face, "I'm not," he declared, rather defensively.

"You are. I can't even... Even if I just lean over on your desk, you lean back. If I just throw my arm around your shoulders, you fucking reel back like I was stabbing you, and- well it's kinda silly... it's small things, I know, but... it makes me feel... sort of sad. Y'know. Or something. Oh forget it." Lavi looked up and ahead, he shook his shoulders, like he was shrugging off some coat of dullness. Pocketing his hands in his jeans he took longer strides, wanting to get to the canteen as fast as possible. This was _not _a talk he wanted.

But Kanda is a stubborn one. Too stubborn for his own good, really. But in this case it's probably good, because otherwise we might not get to see any lovin' anytime soon. Which would suck.

He grabbed Lavi's collar by the neck, and gave it a crude tuck, making Lavi yelp and slower his pace.

"Have you thought about being _less_ annoying, then?" he asked.

"No, Kanda, actually I haven't! I can't just chance, y'know. You might be really cool and all, but I'm me, and me being _annoying _is my damn way of showing that I care for my friends. You're- You're just a meanie!" He couldn't help it. Too many build up frustrations and hormones. He was sick and tired of this masquerade. He could allow himself this little breather.

It was Kanda's turn to be silent. And Lavi's turn to enjoy the silence.

Alas, not for long.

"Well you started."

And had something so childish escaped Yuu Kanda's lips at any other time, Lavi would have lauged his ass off. But not now. He kept walking, kept looking straight ahead. The black-haired continued

"You have no fucking clue how wasted you were at Lenalee's party, do you?" Lavi cringed "Well you were _really _wasted. Started blabbering a lot, like always. You were a real pain."

Lavi didn't look at his face, so he had no idea with what expression he said those words. He wanted this talk to stop right now. The door's to the canteen weren't far away. He could hear the noisy laughter and teenage-chat now. Kanda just continued undaunted_**.**_

"You started to blow off sentimental piss and insulted me," _I called you a princess, Yuu, that's not considered an insult_, "talking all kinds of weird shit about you and me." And that's where Kanda stopped talking. He was now waiting for Lavi's reaction.

They entered the dining hall, and Lavi tried to force a grin and some bad jokes, heading for their friends' table. He had sweaty palms as he steered through the crowds, Kanda right behind him.

"But I see now you didn't mean a fuck of it. None at all."

Lavi stopped.

Kanda came to a halt as well. Right behind him. Lavi could feel the other mans chest against his back everytime he breathed in. They didn't say a word. Lavi's brain was thinking hard. But no matter how hard he thought, it seemed he was at a standstill. He couldn't salvage himself out of this situation. And... he actually didn't want to.

Maybe it was a bout of rebelliousness against the rules and his gramps. Maybe because there were so many people surrounding them, they seemed to be in their own little bubble. Or because he was tired of carrying it all by himself, and he now had the chance to give it a shot, neck or nothing. Maybe it was because Lavi could feel Kanda's breath on the skin of his neck, and the warmth of his body, and Kanda wasn't repulsing and pushing him away.

Lavi vaguely remembered reading that it was scientifically proven that teenagers in love were psychotic and mentally unstable. _It must be right,_ he decided, as he turned to face Yuu and said: "I meant everything."

And while he said it, as well as afterwards, he carefully used each second of the painfully slow time to analyze Kanda's face, looking for any hint of emotion. His eyebrows, his mouth, his forehead, his jaw, his eyelids, his cheeks. Kanda looked right back at his one searching eye, and didn't show any immediate feeling like the redhead would have expected him to. Disgust. Surprise. Outrage. Disappointment... Anger. But there was nothing. And it graveled his nerves even more so. _Say something, Yuu, say something, anything, man._

And here comes then the seconds of the most epic and surprising moment in this fic. Yuu Kanda grabbed Lavi's hand, _oh my god Yuu is totally holding my hand, _turned around and started walking out of the canteen saying: "Let's go home and play playstation."

Deadpan.

Lavi's face was stone.

A lot of people were staring, because _Yuu Kanda is holding someones hand, _and Lavi would totally have fallen on his tight ass if it wasn't for the firm grip.

"Daysia bought this fucking crazy shit car game Grand Theft Auto, you probably know it. Actually, let's stop by at the tank while we're at it. That idiot Froi is in France, so let's buy chips and cola. I'm sure Daysia ate whatever leftovers we had from last-"

"Cocio"

"-weekend... hm?"

"You can have your bloody cola, I'ma buy cocio, fer real," Lavi was smiling so hard his cheeks should've fallen off, but a man in love is a man of steel. Lavi wouldn't be falling apart anytime soon.

"Whatever, nerd. Just prepare to be fucking floored when I win the race game." Kanda was smirking, too.

"In your dreams. RACE YOU TO THE BUSSTOP!!"

Perhaps, if it wasn't for Lavi cheating and starting too early, Yuu might have won that race.

* * *

**Authors Rant:**

**Love knows naught of age or gender!**

**I can't take boybands... they're so gay (ahahacough). Writing two of same sex in 3rd person is so difficult and irritating. I know i missed the drabble yesterday, but i used that day to instead lay down a plot FOR A FULL 5-6,000 WORD RK STORY!! *pats herself on shoulder* that's why this won't be a daily updated drabble series anymore. I need to concentrate. This sixth drabble was used to practice romance. (seventh **_**will **_**be moar cuddle-cuddle, i promise) Tell me how i did and what i could do better. Hoshino's original characters being in-character is very important to me. (well, as much as they can be when they **_**pair up**_**)**

**So, who's seme? I vote for Lavi. I'm angry with myself for making him a little (a lot?) uke-ish in this one-shot. Ugh, what is this persistent urge to write fluff? Which I BTW totally failed to put in this chapter. sob.**

**Please read this: www. fanfiction. net/s/5500851/1/Mine_Yours** [without spaces], **and tell Harmony283 how awesome it is, and how crucial it is that it will be continued!**

**Qritique - as well as mindless babble - reviews always appreciated. **

**D. Gray-man (C) Hoshino Katsura**

**November 24 - 2009**


	7. From A to B

**SEVENTH SONG: VETO - from A to B**

* * *

Bye Bye Baby

Outside the window it was summer. Here in the room on third floor it was winter. Rim frost covered the mirrors and empty coffee mugs and pillows that were once soft and warm, now cold and hard. My breath was white, my hands were cold, and I tried not to cry, because the teardrops would freeze and stick to my cheeks forever if I did. I tried not to scream because the room would be filled with sounds and there wouldn't be any space left for you and me if I did.

"Lavi, shit, you know this can't go on."

_Go away, leave, disappear, don't touch me._

The cold intensified, your gaze shot ice crystals, I couldn't move, my feet frozen in place. I looked at someplace behind your shoulder, trying to not really look. You shuffled a bit on your feet. Stood by the door, trying not to stand by the door. You leaned forward, but stepped backward.

"I'll just go now."

_Don't go, don't leave me, touch me, feel me, talk to me._

Somebody might have to call for an ambulance, because I would surely die at this rate. I wondered why you couldn't feel the frost. Maybe you were used to it?

You turned to the door. The snowflakes whirled at your movement. Your back shot more ice daggers than your eyes, and I winced when they hit me in the gut, hurting like nothing I had felt before. I cursed my frozen lips. I had been good with words before, why did they leave me now? I would give up all the words in the world if I could speak now.

You took one step forward, getting further away from me.

_Turn around turn around turn around._

I wanted to talk so badly. I wanted to tell you that if you would just stay, I could make the cold go away. I could stop the people staring and glaring and talking. I could make them all good again.

But I couldn't. Did you know? You knew, and the snow flew and you took another step and you were one thousand more miles away from me. If you went outside, would you have summer? And if so, should I let you go? Was I selfish for wanting you for myself? I didn't want to be alone in the winter. It was so much colder without you.

You took another step. I wondered if I could make you stop if I just looked at you long enough. I stared. I narrowed my eyes and looked the best I had learned. But you didn't stop. And the frost was tearing in the skin around my eyes, making them red, swollen, salty wet.

"They don't understand."

My words were strangled and ice bitten and as wet as my now salty cheeks, but they made you halt. You turned your head halfway, not looking at me, instead looking at the cigarette package on the table. You hated it when I smoked. I would give up all the cigarettes in the world if you didn't leave me now. Silence once again took over.

Why did you have to leave me?

Because we were frozen.

"I know."

Was it my imagination, or were your words as strangled as mine? The cold was gripping at your throat, and if it wasn't for my frozen feet, I would've run over and hugged you and breathed into you because you looked like you couldn't breathe for yourself right now.

You know, you know, so what if you know? Give me a better reasoning, this won't give me summer. The only warmth I ever had was you.

But now it was cold. Even with you here. The warmth had left beforehand, expecting you to follow soon after. Leaving me and cold all alone. All alone in the world. Alone in the universe.

You turned you head away. You left. You slammed the door.

The frost now roamed free, leaving me to fall on my knees, breathing ice, clutching my stomach. Someone should really call an ambulance.

You had to turn, but you should have turned the other way around.

* * *

**This isn't about love that died, this is about being in love in a society that doesn't tolerate homosexuals.**

**Lavi Bookman, Yu Kanda (or whoever you want it to be) and D. Gray-Man (C) Hoshino Katsura**

**Critique is always appreciated.**

**15th dec 09 00.03**


	8. End Scene

**EIGHTH SONG: there _is _no song for this one… Listened to Troels Abrahamsen and "End Scene" while writing, though.**

* * *

"I never meant to hurt anyone."

Kanda's words are soft in the morning cold breeze. I almost want to say _"what now?" _but there is simply no need for me to hear the sentence again. I remember. I remember everything. Capitals, the multiplication table, how many potatoes there are in the two kilo bags from the groceries, even the colour of the panels in the ceiling of my apartment. Do you remember the colour of yours? Thought not. It's a stupid thing that a normal person shouldn't bother remembering. But I am by no means normal.

A normal person wouldn't fail to make a decent reply.

I want to be able to say something to Kanda. Not "what now?," but "I know" or "it wasn't your fault" or "they don't blame you" and "they aren't hurt," but no comforting jumbled-together-letters escape my dry lips, and the clumsy words form lumps of stone that get stuck in my throat. It's painful, and I want a glass of water. The lumps are big, too big to fit inside of me. I'm a small person, emotionally speaking. There can only be so much sadness and love inside of me. And since the once-empty space behind my ribs is currently occupied with love, the sadness can simply not fit in.

I gulp.

_Gulp, _says my throat, and a pillow of condensed air falls from my tongue to my stomach.

_Crash, _says my stomach. I am afraid that the skin of my belly might break open, and that all the emotions will fall out and land on the floor in front of me.

I clench my stomach. Clench, clench, clench harder yet.

And because Kanda doesn't speak, my frame becomes even frailer, and I clench even harder. Maybe I will clench so hard that I'll break. It will be okay to break, it's just important that I don't break in front of him.

I slowly step forward. One muscle at the time, a toe, a foot, an ankle, a shin and some leg. Thighs, hips, stomach, shoulders, all moving for the sole purpose of bringing me closer to Kanda.

But when I finally stand behind him, my limbs stop working, my hands stop clenching, I even forget the multiplication table. All that matters is the Piece of Human Breathing and Beating Hearts in front of me. Time stands still for one hundred days, and the sun doesn't move at all. It's still peaking from behind the horizon, as if saying "look at me, look at me, I'm coming over to you now."

But I see naught of the sun in the distance. I have my own piece of sun, sitting, breathing, existing just four and three quarters of a centimetre in front of me. Fascinated by the mere idea of this piece of sun having a beating heart somewhere inside of it, I reach my hand out and touch its back.

I close my eyes.

I can feel the warmth through the clothes, I can feel the calm movement of shoulder blades, tensing, relaxing, tensing, relaxing. And somewhere amidst all the rushing of blood underneath cotton and skin and flesh, bones, sinews, protecting wall of darkness, I can feel the heartbeat.

My lips spread into a wide smile. I feel accomplishment, almost as when I hand in an assignment in history class. I have proven that the sunlight has a heartbeat. It is alive, it is breathing underneath the cotton and black hair and glazed eyes, now looking up at me. I look right back, and the Piece of Sunlight Breathing and Beating Hearts moves his lips so red, they nearly look bloodstained.

"I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt them."

A lump of condensed air rises from my breakable stomach, reaches into my mouth, twirls around my tongue, and this time I'm positive that something sensible will come out.

"They're okay. We're okay."

The sunlight must be playing some funny tricks, because all of a sudden it looks like my Kanda's face is scrunched tightly in sorrow, and the only thing I can do is to brush his salty cheeks with my palms and hug him tightly.

I do not notice how cold I am until Kanda is safely in my arms. It's like I had hid my head in a plastic bag, and now that it is taken off, I can finally breathe. So I hug him tighter. Tighter, tighter, tighter yet, till I'm almost scared he can't breathe.

But my Sunlight breathes, my Sunlight's heart is beating and it is all that matters.

"I love you," I say, and it takes no lumps of pressed emotions, it takes no strain on my muscles, it doesn't need me to remember the multiplication table. It's just the

Oh

So

Pure

Truth.

* * *

**Written at 2 am, so it's not perfect……….. like, at all, har har.**

**Lavi and Yuu (C) Hoshino Katsura  
****LavYuu (C) scary fangirls worldwide**

**Mindless babble appreciated**

**13th January, 2010**


	9. Collider

**NINTH SONG: Troels Abrahamsen - Collider**

**

* * *

**Wild

Kanda is usually wild. He'll be the first to start a fight.

But he is stealthy when he wants to be. In fact, he can be so stealthy he could walk right past you and you wouldn't even notice. Maybe that's why.

Kanda can be silent and calm when he wants to be. He can sit in front of you and mean a whole lot of things, yet you wouldn't hear a word leave his mouth. Maybe that's why.

He can be quiet, he can steal your cigarette and you won't even feel the move of air. He can be cautious, he can sneak behind your defences, leaving your vulnerable for attack. Maybe that's why.

You cannot force Kanda to do anything. He's wild and will do what he does, he will say what he wants. And he won't say what he doesn't. Maybe that's why.

Maybe that's why he is screaming so loud when he's alone. Because, really, you can hear it from across the street sometimes. You'll mistake it for a child's cry, or a siren perhaps. A seagull screeching noisily on your roof. Your neighbour watching a loud action film on the TV. But if you'll just listen closely, you can hear it is screaming. Kanda screaming.

:x:

"You didn't take the money."

Kanda sounds angry, walking there beside Lavi down the street.

"You could have taken the money."

He pulls out his silver military lighter from his pocket and fingers it distractedly. He always does that. It's almost an instinct.

"But we didn't need the money."

Lavi thinks they should stop taking money. He thinks Kanda should slow down sometimes. He keeps this opinion to himself.

"Fuck you, you pussy."

Kanda hits Lavi hard on the shoulder. And Lavi thinks pussy is just a bit too mean. He keeps this to himself as well. Because it's not like Kanda will change.

They haven't walked for more than ten minutes before Kanda yells "Fuck this! I'm going to The In," and starts walking the other way. But Lavi predicted this movement ten minutes ago, so he just keeps walking forward until he's home. When Kanda gets just a little too reckless he will turn around and go to The In's Bar. Either to collect crown corks or to start a fight. The crown corks he later throws at the soya factory at the docks. It's another of those sort-of-rituals.

:x:

Lavi considers not opening when he hears the knocking on his front door. But he didn't turn off the lights in his hall, so whoever it is can tell he's home. It doesn't knock again. Instead Lavi hears the familiar sound of a flick knife clicking in the keyhole. Five seconds later Kanda is in his apartment. Lavi doesn't comment on him breaking in. He's used to it by now.

"Come on! We'll go to the port," says Kanda.

Lavi doesn't feel like going to the port right now. He tells Kanda this. But Kanda can be sneaky when he wants to. Maybe that's why Lavi always finds himself dragged along by him. Lavi thinks Kanda should stop dragging people along, and maybe let them stand up so they can walk once in a while. He doesn't say this, though.

"Come on," Kanda pleads through gritted teeth and drags Lavi out the door.

They're at the docks fifteen minutes later. They're both throwing rocks and crown corks at the factory. There's a copper chimney pot on the otherwise completely bare concrete wall, and it's been their goal to hit it since forever. But hitting the little chimney from the fire escape on the opposite office block isn't that easy. It's hard to even hit the wall of the factory from this distance. But Kanda is good at throwing. He almost hits the chimney. When he's just five centimetres from hitting, he curses aloud in anger. They've never hit it once.

"Shit. Fuck this shit!" Kanda's rock hits just inches away from the verdigris-y copper.

"Why are you angry? You're so close to hitting it." Lavi throws a beer-bottle cap that flies shortly through the air before landing with a _plop _in the dark water of the basin.

"It's because I'm so close! Why the _fuck,_" he throws a big brick with all his force, "can't I reach it? It's a fucking chimney," he punches the wall. The brick hits a container with a loud bang. He walks over to Lavi. Lavi looks up at Kanda. Kanda punches him on the shoulder. He looks down at him, as if daring, waiting, expecting him to say something. Lavi says nothing.

"I'll go get some beers."

Kanda walks away. He's almost running when he's at the door. He'll be heading for the kiosk down at the railway track.

Lavi then sits on the stair case, left behind. Idly scraping at the dried bird droppings with a piece of old iron wire, he patiently waits for Kanda's return. And it might be his imagination, but he thinks he hears a seagull screeching noisily from the roof.

:x:

Kanda is cold-blooded. Borderline frigid, even.

Lavi only watches as the other man in the door makes scared eyes. He looks like a puppy being kicked. Compared to Kanda, he is. The neon signs on the walls are blue and cold in the dark.

Sweat is running down the man's temple.

"Dude, relax. I said I'm sorry, yeah?" The puppy is in a corner. He knows his opponent. "I just bumped into you! Not even that hard!" Oh yes, he is very afraid.

Kanda cannot see the 'sorry'. He can't hear it nor taste it. Or say it. Or feel it. Kanda is never afraid.

Kanda is reserved. He doesn't take shit from anybody. He has the personality of cold neon.

He roars.

It's loud and penetrating. He doesn't even take the time to insult or warn the other. He just clenches his fist and punches his face in. The bouncers come rushing. It starts a big fight. Lavi is being covert and walks up to the bar. Later, though, he hears sirens. It always ends like this, doesn't it? Lavi always ends up in the bar, and he never knows where the hell Kanda went off to. He never knows who ends up in the ambulance.

Lavi thinks Kanda should stop fighting. Lavi is sometimes afraid, too.

:x:

Kanda is impatient. He cannot wait for a bus for more than ten minutes.

"When's it gonna' be here?" Kanda asks for the thirteenth time. He is fiddling with his lighter.

"Seven minutes," Lavi says for the eleventh time. He sits under the open shed of the stop.

Kanda starts gathering pebbles. There's a signpost on the opposite side of the road. It says _45 mph_, but Lavi is pretty sure Kanda is throwing rocks with more speed than that.

"Goddammit," Kanda says. He throws the rocks, one after the other. Most of them hit the sign hard. They make a loud clang every time. It could almost make you flinch, since the rest of the world was really quiet now. And misty and stuff. Like an eerie dawn.

Kanda keeps throwing rocks for a while. Lavi is wondering whether you can throw something so hard that it breaks the time barrier. Like, throwing at the speed of light. Maybe Kanda could do that. Lavi is pretty sure he could. It's faster than 45 mph, anyway. Someone should give Kanda a ticket. Someone give Kanda a ticket and a lesson. Lavi can't.

"When will it be here?"

"Six minutes."

:x:

Kanda is angry.

Why, Lavi doesn't know. He takes pride in knowing a lot of things, but he can't figure out Kanda.

He is yelling.

"Fuck those fucktards! I'll send them to fucking hell! Burn out that freaking bitch's eyes! Mother_fucker!_"

Lavi isn't listening. He can't always listen to Kanda being angry. He has tried, but it wore him out. The anger scoops out everything else. Well, not that Lavi has many other emotions.

"… their mothers! I'll kill them, I _swear! _I will fucking _kill_ those shitlickers!"

In Lavi's head the wind drowns out Kanda's words and the crashes from the falling rocks and crown corks. The Uncontrolled raging just ten foot to his right is nothing but an illusion. Lavi can block out things. Lavi can block out Kanda.

Kanda is so far away.

Way too far away.

Lavi is patient unlike Kanda, luckily. The fury goes on for what seems like a very short time, long time, minutes, hours, seconds, an eternity. Surely the basin must be filled with rocks by now.

Then Kanda is very still. Because he can be very silent when he wants to be. He can be stealthy and calm if he so wishes. Quiet like the wind a lazy summer. He can want to say much, yet say nothing. He locks himself up.

Now Kanda is even farther away.

Kanda turns around and walks to The In. Lavi expected this, but Lavi is tired, so he walks home.

:x:

You'd wonder why he was screaming so loud, honestly. Lavi hears it across the street. And Kanda lives on the fifth floor. The girls walking past him talk about sirens. But Lavi knows it to be Kanda.

Kanda screaming.

And for some reason the stairs are endless. Fifth floor is fifteen thousand miles away. And the closer he gets to Kanda's apartment door, the farther away he gets from Kanda. The stairs are so endless.

But then the stairs end.

So Lavi grabs the door handle. The metal burns scars in his palm, and when the door opens up he wishes it would just have been locked. The screaming that had until now been locked inside flows out the door, engulfs the hall, falls down the stairs, and Lavi worries for a moment that the screaming might block the main entrance below.

Then he steps on the doormat. He stares at it, and when it lies still, he wishes it would just start flying and carry him and throw him out on the sidewalk. But it doesn't. So Lavi walks into the apartment.

Then Lavi is in the door opening to the bathroom. The tiles echo the screaming erupting from a messy pile of Kanda on the hard floor. The white of the bathroom stands in stark contrast to Kanda's black hair, his black shirt, his black pants, his black everything. He's wondering why Kanda is screaming so loud. He thinks Kanda should stop. But he doesn't say this. Why is he screaming so loud? What happened with Angry, Impatient, Frigid?

Kanda's screaming is Wild.

Lavi sees the blood. The blood is in stark contrast to the white. It leaps to the eyes too much. He leans down to Kanda, who starts thrashing when he feels the touch and the screaming only gets louder. Lavi locks his arms around him and is surprised at Kanda's brute strength. His logical mind is listing: seizures, epilepsy, muscular convulsion…

But logic is nothing now that Lavi can feel blood and tears running down his arms and staining his hands. He can feel Kanda's rapidly beating heart from Kanda's back to his own chest. The beating is so violent he's afraid Kanda's ribs will break. Can your heart break your ribs? Lavi's heart hurts, too. As does his back and knees, because, whoa, tiles are uncomfortable. And Kanda is uncontrolled and wild and raging. And it's always really cold in Kanda's apartment, for some reason or other.

There can only be so much carnage in one person, though. Soon Kanda stops his brutal out lashings, and Lavi's not sure who is the most out of breath of the two. Maybe all air has escaped the cold room. Maybe all the air went to The In instead.

Maybe Kanda won't turn around and walk away this time.

Still, he's not quiet.

Now he's just screaming while lying still.

Lavi wants to block out Kanda now. And the pain from his collarbone that Kanda somehow hit with his fist. And the blood on his arms.

Lavi crouches down and puts his hands over his ears.

"Hey."

Lavi is not sure whether he managed to block out the sounds, or if the screaming has been reduced to crying. No matter how hard he tries, he cannot block out the crying. The sobs are stealthy and manoeuvre through his fingers, into his head. Why is Kanda crying?

Yes, Lavi takes pride in knowing a lot of things, but he can't figure out Kanda. Kanda is farther away than ever.

Lavi thinks Kanda should sit up. He doesn't want to say this. But he also thinks Kanda is unable to say anything right now, consequently the initiative lies with Lavi. Perhaps Lavi is the quiet and reserved one. Maybe Kanda can change. Maybe they should both change. Maybe this is a two-way job.

This.

This friendship.

If it is.

There's crying.

"Kanda."

There's a shaky exhale.

"Sit up."

There's a deep inhale.

Maybe Lavi hears determination in that inhale.

Kanda sits up. His long hair, his tears, his sweat, his blood, his restlessness, his shaky breaths are everywhere. Lavi doesn't know where he expected the blood to come from. Truthfully he was way too occupied to worry about it. But he sees now that Kanda has a nosebleed, it's just all over his face, and sticking in his black hair. He thought Kanda's hair couldn't get blacker, but the blood darkens it even more. He looks like a mess. A very messy mess. And because Kanda is impatient he forces the hiccups to stop with sheer willpower. His wrists are rubbing his face, making his sleeves wet, his cheeks salty, his eyes swollen. Lavi thinks Kanda should stop being so rough.

"Don't be so rough."

Kanda stops rubbing.

Lavi gets up from the floor. He grabs a towel and wets it under the faucet. Cold water. Because cold water washes off blood. Kanda tries to clean his face to the best of his ability. After having tossed the towel in the tub with annoyed movements, he sits back on his butt on the floor and leans against the wall with crossed arms. He almost looks like a sour child.

So what now?

Lavi thinks that voicing his thoughts has worked pretty well so far. Better than ever imagined. Speaking is a good way of communicating, apparently. He will never get too old to learn. He thinks about pointing out that Kanda has snot and blood in his hair, but opts for something different.

"Tea?"

He doesn't feel like drinking beer right now.

Kanda nods with his usual 'it's decided then' face, and stands up. Lavi stands up too, his knees hurt and he is so exhausted. The toilet is cramped, and only now does Lavi notice that he is a bit taller than Kanda. If he took a step closer, his chin would be approximately at Kanda's brow. Kanda would have to look up at him.

Kanda is not frigid, Lavi then decides. Reserved, yes. But frigid, no. And Kanda ought to be even more exhausted now. Maybe Lavi should point this out.

"You're exhausted."

Lavi thinks that, hmm, now that sounded stupid. This speaking thing is harder than first assumed. He must practice, he decides. Maybe he can practice speaking with Kanda.

"Take a shower, I'll make the tea."

He is feeling more successful this time. Kanda is nodding again.

Kanda says, "okay," and he is hoarse like a crow. Lavi turns around and walks out. Kanda then sits in the toilet, left behind. But Kanda trusts that Lavi won't leave.

And in the kitchen Lavi is waiting patiently for Kanda. He can hear the shower in the bathroom showering, and the water in the boiler boiling. He doesn't want to block any of this out.

This.

This friendship.

He hopes it is.

Or can be. He settles on liking it. He settles on liking Kanda despite him being stealthy, quiet, loud, angry, impatient and wild.

Maybe Kanda can be wild without the screaming and hurting. Maybe they both need to say more.

Maybe Lavi should get to know Kanda better, so there won't be so many _maybe_'s…

* * *

**So. It's too odd and inconsequential to be a LaviYu day post. Will post now instead. And yeah, if you cry and thrash hard enough you get a nosebleed. (or is that just me lol?)**

**Lavi and Yuu Kanda from _D. Gray-man_ (C) Hoshino Katsura  
**

**Critique and mindless babble appreciated.**

**30th May, 2010**


	10. Russians

**Tenth song: Sting – Russians**

Godammit, how am I supposed to write to this….

* * *

An old classy gramophone stands on a rickety table against a wall. Al Bowlly sings a popular 30'ies song, _If falling in love is a crime, then I'm guilty –_

"You're not human." Cold eyes are aimed at a beaten figure in a chair. "You're filth, not meant to live."

The beaten figure cannot even grimace. Its head and arms hang down heavily, bereft of all hope. Bowlly keeps singing: _Maybe I'm wrong dreaming of you, dreaming the lonely night through._ This is all that punctuates the silence for a while.

"Jews are God's enemy; you should fear Christ and Hitler his disciple," the fanaticism shines through and colours an otherwise pretty face dark and morbid.

The figure lifts its hand to the right side of its face where a star is carved in with a knife, destroying the forehead and, presumably, also the right eye. The intense colour of the blood seems to weaken the red colour from its hair.

The colonel looks down at the figure, his eyes so condescending they cannot even hold hatred. Just pure disgust. He wants to waste no more time preaching to this infidel, he is not one known for patience.

_What can I do, what can I say? After I've taken the blaaame -_

A subordinate officer raises his rifle, looking at the dark-haired colonel inquiringly. He nods. "Kill it dead, it never deserved to live," he orders, and takes his leave.

The figure raises its head.

_Maybe, I'm right, maybe I'm wrong, loving you dear like I do._

"How can you say that?" the figure speaks. The split lip opens again, and starts bleeding.

The colonel, heading for the door, turns around with a face that could be mistaken as surprised.

"Don't we all breathe? Don't we all die? Jews love their children too," the words are slurred, but with no accent, like the colonel had expected. And the cold soldier takes a step towards him, at first wanting to punch the abomination, but then to satisfy his sudden curiosity.

_If it's a crime, then, I'm guilty.  
_For the first time, the beaten man catches his eyes. If the colonel hadn't been a fighter of outstanding willpower himself, the sheer spirit in the near-dead man's gaze would have shaken him to his very foundations.

"I will prove you wrong," sound the words from his bleeding mouth. For once in his life, the colonel is taken aback. And he is amused by this; never has he wanted another to mean what he says this much. Then prove me wrong, Jewish man.

_Then I'm guilty of lov-_

The absurdly misplaced song comes to an abrupt halt as loud gunshots fire holes in the far wall, knocking over the table and sending the gramophone to the floor in a cloud of dust and debris. "The rebellion! The rebellion is attacking!" someone yells from outside. All officers run out to counterattack. The Jew's star-shaped wound is still bleeding. He will be marked for life, and he will never get his grandfather back.

He glares at the colonel still standing in the room, eyes now burning. All the gunshots and yelling from the other side of the walls do not drown out his words. "I will prove you wrong," he repeats.

**

* * *

11****th**** of December 2010**

**EDIT feb/2011: this chapter has been revised  
**

**songs:  
**_**Russians**_** by Sting**_**  
Guilty**_** by Al Bowlly (1931)**


End file.
